An academic undertaking with conclusive evidence of the aforementioned

Years from now, when archaeologists, historians, professors, assholes, and other jerks begin compiling an unnecessary, overly complex catalogue of the social mores from the golden years of the Internet Age, they will go into great detail chronicling the various self-shot (primarily intended for) myspace photos that girls (and the occasional burgeoning homosexual guy) posted. I hope to be the one first of these assholes/other jerks to do so and thus collect that Nos Energy sponsorship that so many other bloggers tend to flaunt in front of the various cafes we steal internet from.

Boobarella

This type of photograph is taken by a savvy trickster, who knows what the male-dominated internetsphere wants.... the breasts of a 15 year-old girl to look like those of an 18 year-old girl. This is accomplished by holding the camera high above, wearing a low-cut shirt with horizontal, thick stripes, and placing one's upper arms as close together as possible, while still managing to look somewhat natural, if not a little mangled, awkward, and mildly retarded. It is only with a well-executed Boobarella photo that one can entice the type of internet predator that will ask to meet at a Starbucks, rather than an all-you-can-eat pancake house.

Coin Purse

Scientific-types have proven that men are more attracted to women who look like they are pouting. The male sex is self-destructive and wishes to uphold this inclination through its relations with womenfolk. Thus, if a woman constantly looks like she is pouting, the man knows he has failed in some way and must make amends while constantly feeling like shit about himself. Sylvia Plath wrote extensively about this, probably for GQ. That being said, the Coin Purse photograph is accomplished by once again holding the camera above one's head, though not as high as in a Boobarella. The model then purses her lips into a pout and slightly elevates her eyebrows. It creates the illusion of innocence and constant disappointment, though I find in most cases only the former to be an illusion.

Sidecar

Perhaps the most devious yet simultaneously simple of the angles, this shot cannot even be fathomed by those with a mountainous nasal region or those unfortunate enough to have a condition I shall refer to as phantom-chin. After years of research and military testing, science-types conclusively found that individuals who are fortunate enough to be free of the aforementioned afflictions appear even more alluring when pictured from a slight side angle. Teenage girls who use myspace, known for their near-religious following of scientific academic journals, utilized the scientific method and thus turned their heads sideways slightly while still focusing their eyes directly in the lens. It is important in a well-executed Sidecar to still look directly towards the basement-dwelling, sweatpants-wearing, profile-claiming "software engineer," WOW level 84 accomplishing, all around nice and trustworthy young man who will be perusing your pics.

Good night and God bless and stuff.