Guess who has male pattern baldness? ME! Guess who was prescribed Propecia today by his doctor? ME! My life is slowly becoming a Propecia commercial. I already asked my doctor about it, as they suggest I do in the ad. Then after picking up my prescription (and shelling out 200 bucks...that's right, my drugplan doesn't cover it!) I went and lived my life to the fullest. I had dinner with my wife, I tossed the football around with my son in the backyard while wearing my newly purchased corduroy J. Crew jacket, and then I finally buried that dead hooker that's been sitting in the trunk of my Lexus (my wife would only buy the "It's compost I've been cultivating in the trunk" excuse for so long). Initially I was rather despondent when Dr. Phillipson told me (in his soft, sweet South African accent...awwww) that I did indeed have male pattern baldness and I could thank my father for it--the whole "You get your hair fortunes from your maternal grandfather" thing is bullshit, by the way. I just wanted to sob under a willow tree. Then everything was better when I was told by the pharmacist that I would have to pay for the Propecia all on my own. Actually, wait, that worsened the despondency. I wanted a stiff drink. Or a stiff penis. Or a stiff drink stirred by a stiff penis. Yes, that's it.
Well, I read the little instructions that came with Propecia and I was suddenly enlightened and in a better mood. I put down my drink, pulled the penis from out of my mouth, and continued my life as Propecia would like me to: I washed the car and waved to the neighbors. Propecia not only stops hair loss, it actually can help you grow back some of the hair you lost. It takes about two months to fully kick in, so by then I'll know if I want to transplant some of my bum hair onto my head. You'd think the prospect of a poo-smelling head would discourage me, but it does not.
I then began to take some advice Michael Ian Black (find a link to download his hilarious new comedy album enclosed) gave to heart: just add an exaggerated "Yayyyyy" to the end of any misfortune or negative statement and it suddenly becomes positive. Male pattern baldness, yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
