It has reached a point where my opinion on Jaguar Love has gone back and forth about as much as (choose the most applicable):
a) a trophy wife on her elliptical machine
b) a candle in the wind held by Elton John
c) who "Candle in the wind" by Elton John is dedicated to
d) Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson's hep-C fest (I think that is also the name of the Motley Crue tour)
If you chose "all of the above" then you have not been paying close attention (and there was no "all of the above" option, dipshit). You remain relatively stationary on an elliptical machine. Although your arms and legs do move back and forth, the fact that your actual body does not makes a) an unsuitable option. If you selected d) you would be wrong as well. No one cares about Pam and Tommy, so if you are up to speed on the status of their relationship then you are reading the wrong gossip rag. Also, the fact that at this point even silicone cannot keep Pam's breasts from sagging is an automatic disqualifier. Either of the Elton John options are acceptable. Remember the masterpiece that was The Lion King soundtrack? That man will always have a place in my heart and Simba will always rule my animal kingdom.
What was my point again?
Ah, yes, Jaguar Love. I have had in my possession (or, on my hard-drive) their full album for a few weeks now. After listening to the EP not too long ago and pumping myself up for the fantastic album that was sure to follow, I must say I am disappointed. The best songs on the album are the tracks that were on the EP. Beyond that, the songs that remain are either tolerable ("Antoine and Birdskull," "Humans evolve into skyscrapers"), passable ("Vagabond Ballroom," "Jaguar Pirates"), or awful ("Georgia"). Then there is the video for "Highways of Gold." Take a peak:
Overall, a cute video. Johnny Whitney looks good and the simplistic and somewhat cheesy concept is mildly enjoyable. However, I have two huge problems with the video. The first is that Whitney's falsetto screams during the first chorus (right after the "Highways of gold, where do they go?" line) are cut out. Apparently the kids today cannot handle a high-pitched wail during the first chorus of a song, it can only be at the end. That is just how the ADHD-addled mind works. The second problem is that the song is shortened so the video can safely clock in at three minutes long. A few of the post-chorus instrumental bits are cut down to accomplish this. If your attention span cannot pass the three minute mark then you do not deserve to listen to this song in the first place you spoiled little brat. Go have another Doritos Extremezxxx!
Jaguar Love - Take Me To The Sea
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