Fuck Bono. U2 has not put out anything resembling a good album in far too long. Yes, he is saving all of Africa, I know. Before Bono, Africa was in a state of peril, with widespread famine, bizarre wars that I could never comprehend, disease up the wazoo, and the lingering economic effects of imperialism. Now look at it! As long as Mommy and Daddy Africa (Oprah and Bono respectively) are watching over their little skull-shaped continent, everything will be just fine. Getting back to the inauguration, I am sure that no one invited Bono, he just heard about a political event that involved music and a sweet payout (remember when he was at the Liberal party convention a few years back? What the fuck was that?) and just showed up, hilariously asking Obama to hold onto his velvet robe during his performance, thinking Obama to be a stagehand or something.
When I am elected President (of the local chapter of the Star Wars book of the month club) I will not let Bono anywhere near my inauguration festivities. In fact, I will not let any of the performers from Obama's inauguration participate (except for the Boss). Instead, I will have the ultimate inauguration performer: the half-zombie Beatles. I will use whatever resources are at my disposal to find a way to bring back John Lennon and George Harrison (who will obviously be zombies at this point) in order to reunite the fab four in time for my inauguration. If only we could do something about George constantly gnawing on Paul McCartney's leg.
