God is a DH

With a sinking economy, a shrinking sphere of international influence, a black president, failing military campaigns in Iraq and Afghanistan, soon to be extinct car companies, and a Blink-182 reunion, The United States of America.com is in the midst of dark times. Further darkening these times is the recent steroids scandal in America's past-time(.com), baseball. The league's highest paid player, Alex Rodriguez (a good ol' Protestant descendant of the Founding Fathers), has admitted to using steroids during the first two years of the insanely massive contract ($252 million over 10 years...think about that...) he signed in 2001. 

Many will argue that this is yet another black eye for professional baseball, which has struggled to maintain fan support since the strike-shortened season in 1994. Some of the game's biggest players have apparently taken steroids: Mark McGuire, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, and now Rodriguez. However, in Rodgriguez's case, I think the media has been a little misguided in demonizing him. 

Seeing as America.com has entered a new era, I think it is time to re-conceptualize the American Dream. If we follow Rodriguez's model, the new Dream is pretty clear: get a shit-ton of money, then do whatever the fuck you want. Fuck fairness in sports. Fuck well-rounded competition, hard work, and earning your awards. Fuck the Geneva Conventions. Fuck protecting the innocent and poor. Fuck feeding the hungry. Fuck Afghanistan and Iraq and whether or not their citizens actually want a democracy, an America.com junior. Fuck Africa. Fuck Muslims. Fuck healthcare. Fuck all those (mostly black) people who lost their homes and lives in New Orleans. America.com can do whatever it wants because it has a shit-ton of money----oh shit, right, um, America loves all of God's children and is dedicated to spreading peace and freedom in the world.