0.45:1

Despite my upbringing and the often true stereotype of Jewish cheapness, I have never been a particularly frugal person. I enjoy spending money on fine goods. I am rarely one to make a fuss over the payment of a split bill amongst friends. I consider myself to be a pretty good tipper (especially now since I work in the service industry). Granted, it pains me to waste money–especially in regards to food and alcohol. No matter how full I am I will finish the last few bites of that burger; no matter how drunk I am I will down the last half of that sugary bottle of 50. Regardless, I am no cheapie. Be that as it may, there is one specific cottony item that I will forever be cheap about: socks.

Yes, loyal reader(s), I pride myself on being a bargain sock shopper. My philosophy regarding the purchase of socks forgoes any sort of dialectic methods and relies heavily on mathematical principles. You see, I am most pleased when I can reach a specific sock to dollar ratio, the coveted 1:1.

Now, at this point I should hope you are questioning why you have spent the last few minutes of your life reading a young man's musings on socks. Rather, I hope you are questioning such an act. Otherwise I fear for your priorities and social life.

As I now feel the mild stirring of guilt in my stomach for having briefly distracted you from your Farmville, I will make a quick ascension to the peak of this post: I recently reached a monumental sock to dollar ratio, a ratio so unfathomable it took me minutes to realize the gravity of my discovery. Yes, I achieved a ratio of 0.45:1. I will give you a moment to allow this to sink in.

Okay, back to Farmville.