Is spandex a versatile material? I have internally debated such a notion and found myself at a standstill, because there actually is nothing to debate. Instead, I began to think about how odd it was for my mother to dress her 6 year-old boy in spandex bicycle shorts that had a neon green "racing stripe" down each thigh. The material itself is only used in clothing. One may suggest that due to its elasticity it is in fact a versatile material, but I think I would disagree with such a suggestion. The suggestors makes suggestions based on presuppositions that these suggestions they suggest will be generally accepted as apt observations or factual comments, not mere suggestions. Spandex certainly is versatile in terms of how it can wrap itself around ones body (or a 6 year-old boy's little 6 year-old bum) due to its elasticity, but as an actual material it has little versatility in terms of usage. Superman would probably disagree with me and go so far as to claim he invented spandex (typical "All-American" ego-mania, like Al Gore's self-professed creation of the internet).
If spandex is versatile, Mr. Kent, then so too is morality. Superman certainly saves the world (or, at least the part of the world within a 10-mile radius of Metropolis...so typical of us urbanites to completely shun the suburbs....but really, what the fuck is the GTA? If I was Superman I sincerely doubt I would want to fly to fucking Mississauga), but yet is deceitful in his Clark Kent guise. Is he protecting his identity, or essentially hiding from his duties? Considering that people do not know where Superman is when he is in his mild-mannered Clark Kent guise, how can they reach him to seek his saving grace? The original Superman actually had an even looser moral code, where he would carelessly toss villains around city streets, potentially hurting Metropolis pedestrians. Even worse (gasp!), the original Superman of the 1930s actually helped minorities. Less obsessed with having a pissing contest about his superhuman strength with jerk-offs like Lex Luther, the original Superman actually stopped men from beating their wives (presumably while the men were wearing undershirts) and broke up mobs that planned to lynch black civilians. Realizing that no "All-American" hero would do such a thing, the new editors altered Superman's character in the 1940s and instead taught children important life lessons like how to blow up bad guys on city streets and have snappy little quips to spit out as you do so.
Thinking of Superman enacting explosions on city streets brings me to another point: his name. His original name on Krypton was Kal-El. Hmmm. Does that not sound a little Muslim? So, Superman is roaming the streets, blowing shit up, named Kal-El, he certainly is not Christian (I have been unable to find the issue "Superman attends Midnight Mass" [although, Superman looks like he would be from a Protestant background anyway....or he could be Irish Catholic come to think of it...]), and he can fly. Not even Jesus could fly. Therefore, if you read Superman comics, the terrorists win.
On the other hand, Superman's misuse of his powers is a genuinely heroic American trait. By neglecting to help the little factions truly in need to instead have wank-offs on the city streets and allow everyone to see how badass and powerful he is, Superman is almost making a documentary about global warming in which a substantial portion of it is a whiny lamentation on how he unfairly lost the Presidency in 2000. The looseness of that moral code is nothing like spandex. I would know, I used to wear spandex bicycle shorts.
