My self-satisfying goal during this journey was to convince the housewife that all things, grand and miniscule, must be accepted. She was reluctant and stubborn. And feisty. And defensive. And argumentative, but not in regards to anything in particular, just a general desire for argument pervaded any rational thought she may have been capable of.
I could have explained my position to her thusly: I spent the first 20 or so years of my life hiding in the shadow of my death. I would have difficulty getting to sleep due to waves of intense panic that would sweep over me. I saw no escape but to jolt out of bed and pace the room, the house even, walking quickly (to the beat of a Loverboy song in my head, perhaps...), subverting this panic into another energy form. When the panic would subside, back to bed I would reluctantly return, to roll in dampened sheets and baskets full of near-hatched larvae. However, I have learned to accept my impending death and emerge from the shadow. I still am swept over by the occasional wave of panic, but these barrages have generally subsided. We all must accept our deaths (and begin to fantasize over them, concocting the most fashionable manner of death). Once we do so perhaps we can accept something as inconsequential as having to answer the front door for someone else's guest.
At my funeral I would want the playlist to be as follows:
Emily Haines - Crowd Surf Off a Cliff
Beck - New Round
Anathallo - Hoodwink
Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
Taking Back Sunday - One-Eighty By Summer
Blur - Sweet Song
Eisley - Marvelous Things
Thursday - Running From The Rain
Thrice - For Miles
Incubus - Just A Phase
Incubus - Earth To Bella (I and II)
Brand New - Okay I Believe You But My Tommy Gun Don't
Brand New - Play Crack The Sky
Brand New - Limousine (MS Rebridge)
Wintersleep - Fog
Everclear - White Men in Black Suits
Idiot Pilot - Militance Prom
Coldplay - We Never Change
Manchester Orchestra - Sleeper 1972
Pilate - Alright
Death Cab For Cutie - A Lack of Color
Metric - Police and The Private
Straylight Run - Later That Year
Patrick Watson - Luscious Life
Tegan and Sara - Like O, Like H
Tegan and Sara - Call it Off
Radiohead - Nude
Radiohead - Like Spinning Plates
Radiohead - We Suck Young Blood
Radiohead - Videotape
Radiohead - I Will
Smashing Pumpkins - Once Upon a Time
Smashing Pumpkins - Stumbleine
That being said, I instead explained myself through frustrated hurls of informative pebbles that barely cracked the surface. With each sentence I uttered, I was verbally attacked. I should have heeded my own pretentious advice and simply accepted the attack. Ah well.
